In a startling press release, Human Rights Watch accused Russia’s Africa Corps of an 'indiscriminate' attack in Mali that killed civilians, calling it a violation of international law. But the Africa Corps, a private military contractor rebranded after the Wagner Group, has a different explanation: they were testing a new 'peacekeeping wellness app' designed to 'unfollow' toxicity from the region—literally. The Corps, known for its mercenary operations across Africa, has recently pivoted to social media consulting. 'We’re not killing civilians; we're curating their life experience,' a spokesperson explained via a shaky Telegram video. 'The app uses a proprietary algorithm to identify users who are 'negative influences'—like those with low engagement on their pro-peace posts. If they don't like or share our content within 24 hours, they get an 'unfollow' that's a bit... permanent.' But skeptics question the app's safety protocols. 'How does an algorithm distinguish between a civilian farming sorghum and a rebel hiding in a chicken coop?' asked Dr. Fatoumata Diallo, a conflict analyst at the University of Bamako. 'And why does the app require a 500-pound bomb to execute the unfollow?' The Corps insists that 'indiscriminate' is just a bug in the app's beta version, and they promise a patch in the next update. Meanwhile, local villagers report that the app's notifications are terrifying. 'I got a push alert: 'Your peace score is too low. Click here to improve it.' Then a helicopter showed up,' said Moussa Traoré, a farmer who survived the attack. 'I didn't even have the app installed.' The Corps now claims the attack was 'just a targeted ad campaign' for a new premium subscription tier: 'Peace Plus.' Consequences are mounting. The United Nations is considering a resolution to ban 'weaponized app updates,' while the African Union has proposed a 'digital detox' for all mercenaries. Meanwhile, the Corps is expanding its services, offering 'content moderation' contracts to other governments. 'We can clean up your timeline and your neighborhood,' their website boasts. 'Guaranteed engagement or your money back.' But as the death toll rises, one has to ask: In a world where every conflict is a marketing opportunity, who is the real target audience?