Amazon announced today that it has ‘suspended its partnership’ with cargo carrier 21 Air, following an incident in which one of its planes skidded off a Miami runway, tragically killing five people. The official statement cites ‘a thorough review of safety protocols.’ But let’s be honest—when has Amazon ever done anything solely for safety? The claim is straightforward: Amazon cares about human life, so it’s cutting ties with a dangerous contractor. But here’s the doubt: Amazon’s algorithm doesn’t just track packages; it tracks performance metrics. A crash is a failure in delivery, and Amazon’s system penalizes failures. Could the suspension be less about safety and more about a missed Prime promise? After all, 21 Air’s plane didn’t just crash—it crashed 0.3 miles from the runway, which means it failed to meet the ‘last-mile’ efficiency quota. Here’s the consequence: If Amazon’s algorithm decides that crashes are just an extreme form of delivery delay, the next step could be a ‘Safety Score’ for airlines, much like seller ratings. Airlines that crash too often get banned; those that crash rarely get bonuses. But wait—if a plane crashes, it’s 100% late. Under Amazon’s logic, a crash might actually be better than a minor delay, because at least the package is destroyed instantly rather than being ‘in transit’ for three extra days. Cue the satire: Amazon might soon require pilots to complete crashes on time to avoid negative feedback. Of course, Amazon will replace 21 Air with a fleet of drones that can crash into the ocean without killing anyone. But then the ocean will be littered with undelivered Kindles. The real question: When your cargo kills people, is it a ‘partnership suspension’ or just a ‘return to sender’? And who gets the five-star review for the crash—the pilot or the algorithm that routed the plane through a thunderstorm to save 12 seconds?