In the wake of devastating floods that killed at least seven people in Indiana, a tech company called AquaGuardian has unveiled a revolutionary solution: the Smart Raincoat. This high-tech garment not only keeps you dry but also tracks your daily commute, monitors local weather data, and, according to its CEO, 'eliminates the need for outdated flood insurance.' The coat, priced at $299, uses GPS and AI to alert wearers of impending floods, rerouting them to safer paths. But here's the twist: AquaGuardian claims that by wearing the coat, you consent to sharing your movement data with 'partner agencies'—including insurance companies. 'If you're wearing our coat, you're already protected,' the CEO boasted in a press release. 'Why pay for insurance when you can just avoid the flood?' But wait—what happens to that data? Critics point out that the coat's fine print allows AquaGuardian to sell your behavioral profile to data brokers, who might then sell it to insurers. Suddenly, your morning coffee stop becomes a 'risk factor' for flood-prone areas. If you linger too long near a creek, your premiums could skyrocket. The logical consequence? Imagine a world where your raincoat tattles on you. 'We noticed you walked near the Wabash River during a flash flood warning. Your flood risk score just increased by 15%,' a hypothetical email from your insurer reads. 'To lower your rates, please avoid all bodies of water during rain events.' This isn't just satire—it's the trajectory of tech-driven 'solutions' that profit from disaster. As Indiana mourns, AquaGuardian is already pitching its coat as a 'life-saving investment.' But if the coat fails? You're not just wet—you're uninsured.