In a story that reads like a bad horror movie script, ABC News reports that seven people have died from infections linked to Vibrio vulnificus, a rare but dangerous bacterium often referred to as “flesh-eating.” The official line: it's a tragic, unpredictable natural occurrence. But let's dig a little deeper, shall we? At first glance, this is just a public health warning: avoid raw or undercooked shellfish, especially if you have a weakened immune system. The CDC says the bacteria thrive in warm coastal waters, and infections usually happen when an open wound is exposed to seawater. Simple enough. But what if this isn't just an accident of nature? Consider this: Could these “outbreaks” be perfectly timed trials for a new, approved snack? The USDA has been looking for sustainable protein sources. Lab-grown meat is expensive. Perhaps they've discovered that Vibrio vulnificus, when properly sterilized and processed, is a high-protein, low-cost alternative to traditional chicken nuggets. The death count? Just collateral damage in the name of food security. If that's true, expect to see fast-food chains rolling out “Septic Tenders” and “Gangrene Burgers.” The FDA will approve them with a smile, promising that the bacteria are “dead” by the time they reach your plate. Never mind what the bacteria leave behind—toxins that might give you a mild case of irrepressible itching or a sudden desire to eat sand. Your health insurance premium? Don't ask. The startup costs are passed on to you, the consumer, in the form of a “sustainable protein surcharge.” Soon, your children will be trading Flesh-Eating Bacteria breakfast bars in the lunchroom. The government will assure you it's a safe, government-approved source of protein. But as the death toll mounts, the real question is: Who's really being eaten here?